I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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