these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
