I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
