I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i out mim tonsoeep
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