it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize