either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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