Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
