I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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