Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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