but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
