I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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