Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
