So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize