I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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