I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
