can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
