It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
