who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your penis caused this!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
