it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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