im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
