I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
