alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
