I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize