how can u be prego again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
