And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
