alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
