Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
