Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
