It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
