I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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