i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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