YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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