but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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