yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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