After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
