I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
