dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
