You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
