My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
