I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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