i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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