The maid of honor just puked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
