I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
