those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
