She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
