Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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