I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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