is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
