i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God, I missed his penis.
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