I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
