Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
