I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
