I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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