The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
