why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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