Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
