Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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