Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
