he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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