Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
