Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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