Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
