I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
