So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
