I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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