Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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