walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vodka?
Forever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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