Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
