Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
