i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize