but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
