i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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