she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
