$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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