What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
