I'm pants shitting drunk right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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