His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize