The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
please come you make the beer taste better
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
