Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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