It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
