the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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