I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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