I think I won the penis lottery.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
