Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
