went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize