one two three fourrrrnication!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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