i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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