Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
