jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
