The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
