Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
