God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
