i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
