we have officially lost it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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