How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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