hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
