saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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