i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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