sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
