there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
