hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize