it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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