He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
